Once a Ryoka, Always a Ryoka
by Hollowshirosaki413
Summary: After the War, everyone had grown to figure out that Ichigo was laboring a hollow. Even Ichigo's friend and secret love, Renji Abari. And when he woke up form his healing-induced sleep, he was promptly thrown into a fit of hysteria. Will Renji be able to calm him down long enough to get him a plan out of there before Yama-jii executes him and his hollow? Or will they be stopped?
1. Chapter 1

Well, this is the first time I'm writing a RenIchi pairing, although I read it quite a lot. xD So I really do hope you guys come to like it, even if it isn't my normal GrimmIchi or HichiIchi.

Also yeah, yeah. I know its pretty short and I shame myself for it. .-. But please, bare with me I guess. xD I hope to see you guys review soon! But in any case, don't go listenin' to anymore a my ramblin', an' go ahead and begin reading. x3

Once a Ryoka, Always a Ryoka

_Chapter 1 _

_Thirt Person POV _

_~oOo~ _

"Renji…." Ichigo's voice stuck in his throat for the first time since he had awoken. He risked a glance at the man who was leaning against the doorframe that led to Urahura's spare bedroom and noted just how serious the man looked. The orangette then forced his gaze to the side in shame, his blush reaching his face in about a second time.

"How do ya feel?" The redheaded man asked as he swiveled his head, also, to the side. His loose hair tumbled in front of his face and his eyes were narrowed in the other direction. When Ichigo saw that the other wouldn't meet his eyes, something struck inside of him; something harsh, something mean, something that tore his heart to pieces. He knew he should've told Renji, he knew it. He should've said that his hollow side was growing stronger and stronger and that in a life or death battle, his hollow would most likely take over.

He should've told Renji how he felt.

The bandages on his chest covering his wounds did nothing to piece back together his heart. Ichigo knew it was too late – he knew he couldn't make amends with the redheaded man, and he never….He never even got to tell him that he loved him. For a long time Ichigo swore he would, and sometimes he would come close, but now….After Renji seeing him like that….There was no chance. Renji wouldn't accept him. He was a Shinigami, for fucks sake. Ichigo was lucky he was still alive.

"I-I…." Ichigo drifted as he realized he forgot to respond. However he never did give a direct answer, instead tip-toing around the question expertly. "Is….Everyone okay?" The orangette lay back down on the healing floor mat he was placed on. Renji sighed and nodded, moving into the room.

"Ishida was in critical care for a little while –…." Ichigo visibly flinched as he felt something eat away at him. "….But he's fine. Orihime healed him up."

Ichigo nodded slowly and sat back up, albeit a little painfully. After doing so, Ichigo re-directed his gaze outside, his fingers clenched in between the loose sheets around his waist. It was bright outside, the sun shining in ways Ichigo felt he could never shine anymore, like arrays of sunlight making everything enjoyable and happy for every being that got to see it. Ichigo knew that he wasn't able to do that anymore. Make things right – make everyone happy? Everyone was disappointed in him. He was harboring a hollow – and he will most likely be executed. The funny thing was Ichigo really didn't mind.

"Why didn't you tell us? Why didn't you tell _me?" _Renji growled as he saw the orangette stiffen. Ichigo closed his eyes as he began to shake.

"What would you have done? Kill me before I could defeat Ulquiorra? I would've been executed before I could do anything for the war! You would've locked me up and I….And I…." Ichigo murmured as he let his head hang. "I would have to live for the time being with knowing you're all disgusted with me. Because I have a hollow." Ichigo whispered solemnly with another flinch. He could feel the gaze on him, penetrating every wound, every pore, every fiber of his body until he was left in a mental bleeding mess all over the place. Ichigo's heart thrummed inside of his chest.

Renji glanced in the other direction, finding himself pausing. What he saw….He would admit he wasn't comfortable with whatever Ichigo was harboring inside of him. It was dangerous and inside of a battle, it was quite possible that he would harm a lot of other people around him and Renji – well, he knew he couldn't justify that. However….It was still Ichigo. And Ichigo was only a teenage boy that was forced to grow up too fast. "They wouldn't –…."

"They are!" Ichigo interrupted as his gaze snapped back to Renji. "Regardless of what I did for them, I have a hollow. Soul Society lives to exterminate hollows; and they kicked the Vizards out of Soul Society. Those they didn't kill, anyway." Ichigo licked his lips as he willed back tears. "You know as well as I that I will be exterminated. If not that, exiled. To Las Noches."

"Ichigo, don't talk like that." Renji stepped into the room as he made way for the torn orangette to do something – to comfort him, whatever. However when he tried to lay his hands on the orangette, Ichigo shied away with a growl.

"Y-You….Don't want to touch me. You all think I'm disgusting….I'm disgusting…." Ichigo whispered as he curled away from the red-haired teen. Renji however wouldn't have any of that and, even though he still had Ichigo's new form poisoned inside of his head, he couldn't last seeing his friend in such a state. So without further or due he forcefully pulled Ichigo into a harsh hug.

"You're not disgusting, Ichigo. Everything will be alright, okay? You'll be fine…." Renji murmured against the torn teens ears. Just then he had heard the first racking of a sob, and Renji could do nothing but sit there and listen to Ichigo's torn weeps as he held on to him. Out of the corner of his eye Renji saw a hell butterfly fly into the room, and behind Ichigo's back he lifted out a finger to receive the message.

And when the message was received, Renji froze.

No.

They couldn't do that.

Yama-jii wouldn't do that.

No.

No, no, no.

"R-Renji….?" Ichigo sniffled as he pulled back away from the frozen redhead. However when he saw the other's face, Ichigo already knew it was bad news. "What….R-Renji?" He asked the other. Though he received no response. After a second Ichigo shook the Shinigami who was staring at the wall blankly, his finger pointed out still from where the butterfly had landed. Ichigo shook the other again, this time a little bit desperate as he watched the other tilt from the pressure. "Renji….What's wrong?" He sniffled.

Renji whimpered. "No….No, they can't. They wouldn't. They….No." Renji's eyes narrowed as a snarl crossed his face. In a slight rage, he let his eyes flicker back to the shocked orangette's, his eyes wild and mad. "They want to….They want to….To execute you. They want to kill you…." Renji faded, his eyes wide and insane-looking.

Ichigo swiveled his gaze away. "R-Renji….I knew this was coming...There's nothing wrong with wanting to kill a monster." Ichigo choked on his own words.

_I'm sorry, Aibou…._ Hichigo's voice echoed inside of the orangette's head. Ichigo closed his eyes.

_I-I'm sorry, too….Shiro. They will kill us both._

…_.I kno'. _

Ichigo choked on himself as he felt tears roll out of his eyes. "S-Shiro….Just apologized to me. He told me he was sorry. We really are going to die…." Ichigo cried as he curled into himself. Renji, who was shocked to hear that Ichigo's and his hollow's communication was so good, soon felt his heart shatter into a million pieces. Watching Ichigo come to realization like that in front of his eyes took a horrible toll on him, to see his friend in such a way because of that damned Soul Society. Couldn't they spare him? Couldn't they just look the other way? What was heaven when you had to execute someone who wasn't even really involved with their rules?

It wasn't fair.

"Me and Shiro….We didn't mean to. H-He was protecting me. He was protecting me!" Ichigo wailed as he flung his hands up to his ears in an insane looking embrace. The orangette began to rock back and forth in shame and fear, continuously shivering. Out of his wide, ochre eyes Ichigo continued to cry. "We're going to die….I can't….My family….We…." Ichigo dug his fingers into his scalp. "W-We're monsters…." Ichigo cried as his eyes slide shut. Renji clenched his fists together, now feeling helpless for what was to come.

"I won't…." Renji snarled. "I won't let them, Ichi….They can't….Your still alive, Ichi….You have a life to live…."

Ichigo interrupted him. "I'm a monster!" Ichigo cried out, his eyes taking an animal tone. "I deserve to die….I hurt people….I…..Disgust….I'm disgusting. Everyone thinks I'm disgusting. You think I'm disgusting. Soul Society thinks I'm disgusting – my family will think I'm disgusting!"

Suddenly everything became very quiet in front of the torn up redhead and he only had enough time to blink before someone else spoke. "Soul Society….." Came a watery voice that promised pain. "….Is a fucked up heaven wit' fucked up morals!" Hichigo shouted suddenly as Ichigo's eyes took over a gold colour. "King will die….And I will die….Savin' yer asses! Savin' all ya pussies! An' this is how ya repay us?! With _death?!" _Shrieked the man so loud Renji was shocked no one came in to see what was going on. Renji flinched and glanced away.

"If I was Ichigo….I could….I could save him, like he Rukia….But I'm not that strong." Renji let his eyes fall to the floor. "If Ichigo were to flee with me by his side, his mind intact, we could survive….But Ichigo…." Renji murmured.

Hichigo sighed and scooted over to lean against the nearest wall – under a window. "I'm calmin' king down on the inside. I dun kno' if it'll snap him outta it." Hichigo closed his eyes as he let a hand run though Ichigo's soft, orange locks.

"What'll make him snap out of it?" Renji pleaded with the hollow. When he tried to recognize any real traits of an actual hollow, Renji was surprised the find that he sounded like an actual human being, save the watery, contorted voice.

Hichigo peered open on eye to glance at the messed up friend of Ichigo's. As if pondering, Hichigo bit his lip….It was probably best for Ichigo to tell the redhead about his feelings, but they were short on time and he needed Ichigo well enough to flee. He wouldn't let his king die like that. Ever if they had to run – maybe someday, the Shinigami would give up. "I…." Hichigo glanced away from the steel gaze on him. "Look, Ichigo's not only freakin' out cuz he's gonna die and all tha' shit, alrigh'? He's freakin' out also cuz…."

Renji prompted him, curious and both needy at the same time. His eyes were wide with confusion. What was it….? "Yeah?" Renji hissed.

"King…." Hichigo looked the man in the eye. "Ichi nevah got ta tell ya he loved ya. Not like brothers, but lovers." Hichigo found himself spitting out. "He thinks yer disgusted with 'em…." He listened to the orangette ramble on and on inside of his head. "He thinks tha' he lost his chance. But Red….Did he, really? Lose his chance?" Hichigo prompted as he managed to calm the orangette down from his hysterical crying inside of his head.

Renji sat, frozen for a few seconds. His eyes were side and under his long, loose red hair, he could feel a thin trail of sweat roll down his body. Renji licked his lips. Ichigo….Ichigo loved him? For how long? Did he actually love him? Was it a fly-by-night love? Was it too good to be true?

Just at the thought was thought inside of his head, Renji shook his head. No….Ichigo didn't do things half-assed like that. But if Ichigo….If Ichigo had told him sooner, Renji would've already accepted, and maybe he could be the one calming Ichigo down.

"No….No, it's not. He would never lose his chance with me." Renji's voice clenched and constricted inside of his throat. Hichigo breathed out a sigh of relief and regarded the man with a slight nod.

"Thank ya….An' please, take care of my king. I will be taking me leave."

"Wait!" Renji called before the other could slip from Ichigo's consciousness. The hollow paused. "Thank you, as well….For saving Ichigo. He would've died against Ulquiorra if you hadn't saved him." Renji thanked him seriously. "And….For taking care of him. I appreciate that."

"I ain't nevah gonna stop, either." Hichigo grinned slightly. "Now tha' Ichigo's calm, tell him wha' ya told me….Tha' he didn't lose his chance…." And with that, the albino faded.

* * *

_Chapter 1 - End_

So there ya got it, man. xD It's pretty angsty, but I don't think I'll keep it like that forever, it'll be more of an action fic I think. (and I'm pretty bad at those, so I'm kind of nervous. xD) But I hoped you enjoyed reading it regardless, and I'll see ya soon, mk? Please fav, follow, or review! Or do all three if your just tha' fuckin' amazin' D: Ja ne!


	2. Gone

**EXTREMELY IMPORTANT: PLEASE READ.**

Well, guys, I'm really, really, really sorry to say this but I'm abandoning all my stories until further notice. What I would like you guys to do however is vote on my poll for this matter at hand: Do you wish for someone else to take up my stories (if you want to, please PM me x3) or do you want to wait it out and see when\if I ever update them again? And, if I do continue updating, what top five stories do you wish me to cover?

This is going out on every one of my stories to see who will respond to my poll - please and thank you!

Once again, I'm horribly sorry, but I had a huge fallout with Bleach and I just can't get my interest back no matter how hard I try. xD I mean, GrimmIchi and Hichichi don't even appeal to me anymore when I used to obsess over it. So yeah, I'm really sorry. xD


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